Looking Back

One of the benefits of not posting as much as I should or want to, means that reviewing those posts is pretty easy. Most of what I write I find to be fairly cringy- maybe anyone who stumbled here does too. No one comments after all, but that's alright. This blog is mostly for me and I enjoyed taking a stroll through memory lane, seeing early posts about my son (who is growing like a weed!), my attempt at game reviews (not a professional one of those) and now heading into renewed interests in arduino.

I can't decide if I want people to come here, especially those I'm friends with or work with. I've never been truly confident in my writing abilities. I've never really felt comfortable with anything I produce to share it, personality flaw.

Moving forward, it's nice to document things. I have a bullet journal (slight obsession) and the gaming is still strong (how the hell did I forget that I should review Zelda: Breath of the Wild??), the day job keeps me more than busy but I need more. I need my son to see that his mother is more than just a mother. I know for a long time, it won't matter. He won't care. But when he grows, I would like him to look back and know that I did anything and everything for him but that I was still me.

I find myself struggling with a family challenge the last few days, it's sent me on more of an emotional rollercoaster than I was prepared to deal with. In these times of challenge, I've enjoyed telling my parents (my dad in particular) how I hear their voices in some of what I say to my son. Not all of their parenting rubs off (for sure, I think improvement is always good) but little things, especially since he seems to be a little carbon copy of me. I see him struggle in areas that I struggled (shyness, interaction with peers), I see him excel in areas I excel (curiosity, imagination), I see him excel in whole new areas (kicking a ball, riding his tricycle). It's comforting to me that I can try to help him, my parents tried but I can define new ways based on my childhood that may help.